I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
