he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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