just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
