I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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