soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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