Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
