as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My pussy is not your playground.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
