she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
