I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
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