i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
