Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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