if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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