I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
