Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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