I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
