you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
