he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
