I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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