dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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