he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
