Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
