I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
