I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
