she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
