new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
