Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
