I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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