this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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