can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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