I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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