I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
