so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
