I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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