Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
