So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You made out with two different species that night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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