If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
