This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think my vagina is haunted
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
