what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
