I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
