Can i not drive my cunt home
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
