i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
