her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
