Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
