sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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