i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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