I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
