Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
