I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
