it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
