Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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