I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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