totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
