the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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