I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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