Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize