I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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