i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
