Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm really busy with my period
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