If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
