I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
