Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
