yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Are we in a gay sports bar?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize