just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
