3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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