I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize