thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
