do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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