i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
