Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize