Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You left your phone here
Wait...
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