I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
