ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
