just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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