So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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