girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
