Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
